Feeling the Pain
I denied the thought that I could have further complications from
sexual abuse saying, “I’ve dealt with it, and I’m healed. There’s nothing more
to talk about.” I was terrified to consider the residue of sexual abuse and how
it had harmed me.
I’m not alone. Many survivors tend to minimize or dismiss the
impact of their abuse by reasoning, “Oh it’s in the past. It’s no big deal.”
Others deny that the sexual abuse took place at all. The pain is too deep and
overwhelming to face. When the slightest reminder of abuse triggers a woman, she’s
often stricken with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. These disturbing
feelings are usually traumatic enough to send her back into denial.
If a survivor takes the “it’s-no-big-deal” approach to her abuse or ignores it altogether,
her denial can mean she’s still emotionally frozen and disconnected from her
pain. She’s not ready to accept the idea of exploring how the sexual
exploitation may have affected her, and in truth, is still affecting her.
You may share the same fear that many survivors harbor. If I allow myself to feel, re-live, or
experience this pain, I will completely unravel and become incapable of handling
life.
Although the statement above feels true at times, coming
out of denial and feeling the pain of abuse is healthy and a powerful step
toward healing. You may unravel emotionally,
even physically experience some symptoms as you thaw, but recovery is on the
side, and you are closer to “owning your life” instead of being held hostage by
the trauma of the past.
It’s worth
the journey.
Have you ever experienced denial of your past sexual
abuse? Tell me about it.
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