Women Shattering the Silence

Forgiving God, Forgiving Myself  Pt. 2

Our other difficulty in forgiveness is forgiving ourselves. 

I easily forgave my father, but I was hard as steel on myself. I gave myself no mercy or compassion. Eventually I realized my lack of self-compassion was unforgiveness. I wasn’t letting myself free from my own judgments about me.

A child who is abused has committed no wrong, and she’s never to blame. Logically we understand that, but deep inside we can be captive of our own self-judgments. We’re not consciously aware of it, but we are holding ourselves responsible for the sexual assault against us. We did nothing wrong, but we feel culpable.

Why didn’t I stop it?

I should have told someone. Maybe then it would have stopped.

That’s what I get for being a stupid, gullible kid.

It’s my fault for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Maybe I asked for it. After all the attention felt good.

The list of lies is endless, and we can stay angry at ourselves for a long time. But we need to go all the way with forgiveness--we need to release ourselves from blame and unrealistic expectations and remind ourselves that a child is never to blame for their abuse.

Forgiveness of ourselves is an important step toward recovery. Forgiveness allows us to have closure from the past because we use our emotional energy different. Instead of remembering with resentment the horrific past, we focus on a bright and joyful future.  The beauty of forgiveness indeed sets a prisoner free—me.

 How about you? Have you forgiven yourself?